Why we fly alone

By: Ron Lisberg, Redtail 1

 From Passengers: 

·    What time Saturday? Oh man my wife has me going to the Laundromat this Saturday!

·    What about Sunday? Are you guys going then because I can make it then?

·    I'll be in ______ Saturday, but call me next time you fly somewhere and I will go!

·    I thought you were going to call me!

·    My wife had me doing honey doos

·    Why didn't you call me I would have gone!

·    Nobody told me about it!

·    Next time call me earlier.

·    I can't make it this weekend but I will be able to go with you guys next weekend.

 From Aircraft owners: 

·   Next year I will definitely be there.

·   Next month I am definitely going.

·   What's the weather going to be like?

·   I thought you were going to call me!

·   Next time call me earlier.

·   I had to change my oil!

·   I'll let you know! (Only if you beg like a dog!)

·   I couldn't find anyone to fly with me!

·   I can't make it this weekend but I will be able to go with you guys next weekend.

Then the ultimate insults: 

·   Something came up an I would have called you but...

·   I didn't call because I figured that you ______

·   Ok I will be there, what time? (Knowing that they won't)

·   I was waiting for you to call me.

·   Who else is going?

·   Why didn't you guys wait for me?

Along that same line here is a copy of something Xavier (Redtail 99)wrote several months ago and I believe it is apropos here also.

Brief your passengers, let them know what to expect, and what you expect:

a.   Take a shower. You will be confined in a small area with vents that don't adequately vent most of the time.

b.   Brush your teeth. If you have bad breath then bring plenty of mints, or some strong gum.

c.   The flight is going to be under two hours, bring water, but be prepared to hold it if you have to go. (Unless you have the bags such as Ron).

d.   Don't pack a lot of crap if it's a short (few hour) flight. Why, just because it annoys the hell out of me. (Someone literally brought a good-sized backpack full of crap, for a one-hour flight).

e.   NO FARTING IN THE AIRPLANE. I don't care if it's not healthy to hold it in! Be assured if you do, that's the last ride you will have with me for a long time.

f.    Don't touch a damn thing! Unless you ask first and/or know what your doing.

g.   Don't complain where we are going, especially if you knew ahead of time. Just keep your ass at home!

h.   If you have to call your wife at every stop, or in route every 5 minutes, or if she calls you constantly, then argues then dammit, I don't want to hear it. DON'T GO WITH ME!

i.    If your wife/girlfriend gives you a curfew. DON'T GO WITH ME!

j.    If we get to where we are going, then you say, "We have to get back because I told my wife I would be back by..." Well, tough shit! You knew ahead of time. You should have said something before we left. Then I could have left you behind!

k.   NO! That button on the yoke is not the guns nor is it the pickle switch for any weapons!

l.    NO! There are no parachutes!

m.  NO! We can't fly over any nude beaches... well YES! We can!

n.   NO! It won't go any faster 

Dammit! Be ON TIME! You will get left. When I say I'm leaving at 9am, I'm leaving at 9am. 

A few more items I thought I would throw in:

·   Don't touch my radios

·   Don't close the door, I will

·   Don't open the door, I will

·   Don't ask me if you can land my airplane

·   Don't press any of the buttons on the yoke

·   Don't talk while I am in the landing pattern

·   Don't talk while I am taking off

·   Those are my $600 headsets, treat them as such!

·   Don't point out traffic as "over there!"

·   Do ask questions!